Thursday, March 20, 2014

So Apparently I'm Bisexual

So funny thing about our relationship...we've both only ever dated men before. I was told stories of Autumn from last year. How she went through men like a sick person goes through tissues. She would use them and throw them away. At least that's how it was told to me. So it was interesting to see her in a more committed relationship when we first met. But that ended. Tragically. But that's the past!

I on the other hand, had been in a relationship for over a year. I was trying to make the distance thing work when I came to school, but it just wasn't happening. I really loved this guy, so it really broke my heart to realize his heart wasn't into making this work like mine was. So it ended. Lots of tears. Lots of tragedy. Blah blah blah. The whole typical break up story. I still have a couple small things of his to return actually... I haven't been able to see him on breaks, okay?! And I forget they're there half the time.
Now this isn't the first time I've questioned my sexuality. I only had a bipolar idea of sexuality until later in high school, so I thought I could only be gay or straight. I knew I definitely liked guys, but I would question whether or not I had crushes on some of my really close friends. One of the first times was in about 7th grade. Growing up kind of sheltered, I didn't understand that liking girls made me "gay." So in the sense of identification, I was questioning myself. But I kind of shook it off for a while. I didn't think that those feelings were that serious. And it's not like I was strongly attracted to girls like I was to guys. But those feelings came back.
Later in high school, my junior year, I met another girl who thought she was also bisexual (was questioning at the time), and I started developing a small crush on her. It never came to fruition as she was clearly uninterested, but it was another stepping stone into discovering my sexuality. I had told a couple of close friends that I might be gay, since I still didn't understand that bisexuality was a real thing and not just an in-between place yet. It really confused them when I went off to date another guy a few months later. I had once again come to the conclusion that those feelings were just in my head. They weren't real feelings.
Here I am dating this amazing guy my senior year. We start getting more intimate, but he starts questioning me. I'm kind of apprehensive since, you know, I grew up sheltered and everything. I battle with the idea that it's somehow wrong, yet that there's nothing wrong with being a sexual human being. But he would occasionally make the comment, "Are you sure you're not gay?" And all that got me thinking about those times where I did question my sexuality.
And then I get to college. And Autumn happened. And you can read about that in her post (Confessions from a Puppy). And in the About Us. And if you have questions, you can ask below.

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